Drastic Decisions And A story About Snakes

Last week my husband and I sat at the principal’s office at our daughters’ school. A month ago we had realized that we had made a mistake. This school which we had them join at the beginning of this year was not what we had perceived it to be. Even though this girls-only school  was founded on Christian values , run by catholic nuns and apparently applies a “holistic” approach in its teaching, there seemed to be a general lack of emphasis on excellence , especially academically.

Holistic

To us (my husband and I) holistic meant teaching a child to excel in all aspects (academically , socially and spiritually).  And for a school whose mission is to produce a “globally competitive” person , surely academics is an important aspect of that?

We were not the only parents concerned. In a parents’ meeting weeks ago, other parents had expressed disappointment at how they thought the school was not paying much attention to academics. I mean , we understood that it is “not an academy” but who said “holistic” means “average academic perfomance”?

This was discussed in light of the last years’ KCPE results. One parent and alumni of the school had asserted , “I used to be in this school and in our day , WE USED TO PASS EXAMS! We want our girls to not only be well-rounded individuals but to also feel proud of their intellectual capacity! …….Now , I am bringing you a 400 marks child. Please DO NOT reduce her to 300!

She had received a standing ovation from the rest of us parents. Well , almost.

As for the school administration, they had responded with seemingly rehearsed answers that were not half convincing. It was obvious; they had heard these assertions time and time again. And interestingly , some parents didn’t see why the fuss – like this lady I talked to who was an old parent of the school. She told me all her kids had gone to this school. What she had said shocked me.

The reason why we like this school is not the academic performance. We like to bring our girls here so they are nurtured to be women of character. After they come out , since money is not a problem , we can take them to whichever school…..even abroad.

I had nodded slowly feigning agreement. But this is what I had wanted to tell her :  Forgive me but I am old fashioned.  And last time I checked “holistic” did not mean complacency. I would like to take my child to whatever school they like but not because that’s the only option there is… Furthermore , this is an ACADEMIC institution – not a daycare.”

As parents to Bunny and Lil’ June , our goal is for them is to develop in character AND academically. Most importantly , we want them to develop Christian values and that is why we are biased towards Christian schools. They are intelligent kids and after their primary school , we would like them to be selected to go to one of the leading schools where they will get to interact with students from all walks of life. We don’t want  to have to “look for a school for them”. They should be able to do that for themselves. And we , have always endeavored to provide a supportive and competitive environment where they can do that.

We are in this together

In spite of all we had decided, hubby and I, that because we were in this we now had to make it work somehow. “We are part of the school now”, we had psyched ourselves up. Besides, but for a few hurdles settling in, the girls loved their school – who wouldn’t when swimming is compulsory and you get to take ballet classes and have ice-cream for dessert at lunch. Bunny, my elder daughter had particularly settled quite well.

The reason we had booked an appointment with the principal was to discuss among other things, our younger daughter’s lack of chemistry with her class teacher, and would they kindly move her to the other class (being a two streamed school). She (the principal) said she was going to “talk to that teacher” and “find out what’s the problem”. We told her we were done talking because we had had at least two meetings with the same teacher and we have not seen any improvement in their relationship – my daughter, 6, always seems terrified of her, for some reason.

Drastic measures

Eventually the principal refused. She said changing classes was too drastic. She said we just “give it some time”. And we told her that’s not what we wanted but we’d take her word.

It was then that we decided to pass by this other school we had been eyeing for some time – an even better managed school (we had come to realize) that the one my girls were in.  This school also run by catholic nuns is big on character and academics as well. And as GOD would have it, they were carrying out interviews the day after Labour day – which was two days away.

They were sure lil’ June would get a place, but it was Bunny , who is in class 3 for whom they would have to “see” whether there was a place. Taking a step of faith , we decided let them do the interview and from there we’d see. We were not keen to separate them and have them at different schools.

Hair gone wild! : Lil’ June (Left) and Bunny

On Labour day I spent the day preparing them for the interview. I undid their crazy colored braids , washed their hair and had their ever so kind and efficient hairdresser come and make fresh new corn rows. We revised plurals and opposites , additions and subtractions , domestic and wild animals

All the while we did not tell them it is an interview – because they would wonder why we were changing them from a school they had grown to like.

“Mum , (WHY) are we going to a new school?” they would ask.

“If you are going to another school , I will tell you.” I ‘d say.

It came to pass (now I’m sounding like The Bible) that the girls passed the interview and when we picked their results last Friday , the senior teacher’s comment for both was “Recommended to join from second term 2013” and would they come on Monday for admission. We were over the moon! \o/\o/\o/\o/

Sisters and best of friends

The weekend would be spent digging deep into our savings , to buy new sets of uniform and additional books and stationery that were required by this new school. It was spent explaining to the girls that we felt the environment at this new school was better for them to excel both in and out of class. It was spent re-assuring them that all would be okay.

We were more than happy to kiss the caution money we had paid in their former school goodbye because we had not given “a full terms notice” that we wanted to take the kids out. That , we can live with. It is having them stay in the school for a full year that we can’t.

A year is a long time in a child’s life.

When schools opened this week , they started the new school. Being such a drastic change for them , we’ll do all we can to ensure a smooth transition. At their request , we will even be visiting their former school during the holiday (they do hold holiday camps).

All is well for now. But I still choke when I remember lil June’s former class teacher who gave her a C in P.E. A C?! How BAD would one have to be to get a C in P.E?! I mean, what kind of a cold blooded snake well-meaning teacher gives ANYONE a C in P.E?!

A story about snakes

One of my mentors told me a story about snakes this week : When a snake is caged in a glass cage, it tries with all its might to get out. It writhes and writhes inside the cage until it realizes that it is confined – there is no way to get out. After some time it gets frustrated and resigns itself to fate. It stops fighting (trying to get out).

Now remove the cage. The snake will not move! It remains where it was.

For all my hate for snakes , I have been thinking about this analogy a lot ever since. And I don’t seem to tire of areas in my life where I can apply it.

Here’s to slithering away from the oppressive glass cages that may have existed in our lives but still hold us back!

Posted in Marriage & Parenting, Me and Mine, Rants & Reviews, The joys of Motherhood | Tagged , | 11 Comments

Will Can Do Whatever He Wants….We Are Grown!

“I have always told Will , he can do WHATEVER he wants , as long as he , can look at himself in the mirror , and be OK.” This statement by Jada Pinkett Smith , when she was asked if theirs with Will smith is an open marriage , has raised quite a number of eyebrows – mine included!

“Because at the end of the day”, she continued “Will is his own man. I’m here as his partner, but he is his own man. He has to decide who he wants to be and that’s not for me to do for him. Or vice versa.”

This bold declaration recently sent me on a Googling / Youtubing spree to find out more about this couple – one of the Hollywood success stories in terms of relationships (erm….perhaps it’s not too late to change my thesis topic??)

See , Will and Jada have been married for 15 years , which is like 115 years in Hollywood. And when you have been married for 15 years in Hollywood , people want to know if you have an arrangement where you “see” other people.

Open

What exactly is an open marriage? Urban dictionary carries this colorful definition : “A total oxymoron and falacy. When a married couple, due to their sexual deviancy, agrees to have multiple sex partners, i.e. a married couple agrees to cheat on each other.”

Urban Dictionary continues…

….which is totally stupid and oxymoronic because the word marriage suggests monogamy and commitment. That’s WHY a couple gets married.

Example in a sentence: I don’t feel as though ANY marriage can survive as an open marriage.

Love birds and best of friends

Mega millionaires Will & Jada      Photo : altfg.com

Other than the Smith family -the couple and their 3 celebrity children – being (seemingly) a very close knit one , Will and Jada are truly in love and flirt with each other like they just started dating.

In one talk-show in which Jada is the guest she comes wearing some short shorts which has the host quip, “You forgot your pants?!”

“You know , my husband is backstage. He’s holding ‘em for me. *laughter*

She has referred to Will as her best friend….her boo. “What would I do without him?”, she once wondered in an interview , responding to rumors that they were getting a divorce.

As for Will , in his own words : “I don’t let a day go past that Jada doesn’t feel like the Queen of the World.”

In an interview with Piers Morgan , Jada reveals that “Will and I have sex in the most interesting places” emphasizing the role of spontaneity in keeping their relationship fresh. Asked what keeps them going , she says and reiterates: friendship.

Grown not Open

So , what did Jada mean exactly? Was that a confirmation that indeed theirs is an open marriage? She responded via her Facebook page :

“Let me first say this, there are far more important things to talk about in regards to what is happening in the world than whether I have an open marriage or not……The statement I made in regard to, ‘Will can do whatever he wants,’ has illuminated the need to discuss the relationship between trust and love and how they co-exist…….Should we be married to individuals who cannot be responsible for themselves and their families within their freedom? Should we be in relationships with individuals who we cannot entrust to their own values, integrity, and LOVE…for us???……..Here is how I will change my statement…Will and I BOTH can do WHATEVER we want, because we TRUST each other to do so. This does NOT mean we have an open relationship…this means we have a GROWN one.”

Go figure.

Posted in Marriage & Parenting, Rants & Reviews, Sex & Relationships | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

My Thoughts On The Weka Condom Mpangoni Ad

Mama Michelle – she with a hopeless drunk for a husband – has moved on. Because her husband is out drinking most of the time , and so as to ‘keep herself happy’ she is now involved in an adulterous liaison with Mbugua , the butcher , a relationship that her best friend approves of , but warns her to take precautions by putting condom use in the mix.

There’s something about this ad. It provokes you (more so because it focuses on married women). In the ‘real’ world, Mama Michelle is the long suffering wife who constantly prays for her husband and seeks solace in chama meetings and the the women’s guild. But that’s not the point.

Point is , we have 10 year olds who have been orphaned , thanks to HIV and who have had to quit school so as to become ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ to their younger siblings. And recent research findings show that higher rates of HIV infections have been recorded among the married (women), even more than any other demographic.

That , is the reality.

Question is, how can we correct this wrong trend? By encouraging cheating spouses to use protection? Then what next? Polygamy? And what happened to the school of thought that sex is sacred; that it is not just something physical but also spiritual, involving emotions and capable of altering relationships? And what active (rather than re-active) action can be taken on this? We have churches and mosques and all these forums where healthy marriages can be encouraged and nurtured. The media too! Sadly what sells in the media , is having people in relationships , share their adulterous escapades like heroes and heroines on morning radio.

Forget Wachana na Mpango wa Kando. Have we tried an ad that focuses on the BENEFITS of being faithful? How about coming up with a Tumechill version for the married? For the same reason that they say , WAR AGAINST TERRORISM is a contradiction in terms , I’d put my money on such an ad.

See , it takes light , to get rid of darkness.

But as long as we are to encouraging married folks to use condoms when they cheat, we are making a bold declaration that since it is inevitable to cheat, we should ‘cheat wisely’. As someone quipped, shouldn’t we as well, go ahead and run an ad encouraging thieves to wear bullet-proof vests when they go out to steal? They have loved ones too , who depend on them.

I mean ,why suffer when you can steal? Just be sure to wear a vest.

Posted in Rants & Reviews | Tagged , | 5 Comments

To Paris and Morocco

So , first time in Paris? No. First time in EUROPE. That was my cab driver. Destination : Holiday inn , Porte De Clitchy (Pronounced Porte du cliché). And with that , our conversation pretty much came to an end because he could not speak English beyond a simple exchange of pleasantries.

And I , do not speak French.

My thoughts as we drove by the old but beautiful city , wondered off to a conversation I had had ,with a Charles De Gaulle airport staff , only a few minutes ago…

“So the c-o-n-f-a-r-e-nce [sic] is in Morocco?”, the petite lady at the counter on the other side of the glass had asked , after looking at my documents for a full two minutes.

Together with my passport , I had handed her my transparent folder containing the letter that indicated that the pre-conference meeting would now be in France , not Italy. In the same folder was my invitation letter , hotel booking confirmation and my travel insurance documents.

She had looked at them the way I would usually look at my Calculus exam questions.

“But you are going to Paris.”

“Yes.”

“Why? I don’t understand!”

“I am here (in Paris) for the PRE-conference meeting.” I had said calmly, emphasizing the word pre.

“Where are you staying?”

“At a hotel. Here… “, I had handed her my iPad with the document showing the map and address of the hotel open.

“How will you pay for the hotel?” She had asked with a sneer.

“Cash?”

“Let me see.”

“Okay.” YOU ARE KIDDING , RIGHT?

I had handed her my crisp 100 dollar bills.

“One , two …three…18…19…..twenty!”, she had counted them aloud before handing them back to me.

At this point she had consulted with her fellow customs officer seated on the next counter , and then looked up at me.

“Look , I am jet lagged and I am tired and you CANNOT keep interrogating me like I’m a CRIMINAL if you need to , you can call the office , where I will be based….there is a number there..” , I had offered.

She had handed me back the iPad and folder. Nothing like “Sorry for keeping you ma’am..” , or even the courteous “Thank you ma’am”.

I had headed to the foreign exchange to get me some Euros , before taking a cab.

~~~~~~~~~~

There was traffic and it took us a little less than an hour to get to the hotel, even though it wasn’t far from the airport.

“Enjoy your stay Paris!”, the cab driver said after he had handed me my change.

“How do you say thank you in French?” , I asked.

“Merci”

“Okay , Merci!”

After checking in , I took photos of my room ( I always do that before touching anything)  , called home , and then took a long bath before sleeping off my jet lag. The next day’s program was starting at 9:00AM.

My room at Holiday Inn , Porte De Clitchy

French and I

Now , I am one of those people who have never been to a French class. And to me”Bonjour” is a shop at Total

In fact I would have to say the words “I speak English” more times than I would call my mother during my three day stay  in Paris– and I called her often.

She always worries about me especially when I am away in foreign lands.

In Kaaga Girls high school , they taught German as the foreign language. And even though I did not enroll for German either , I know little more than Ich möchte (pronounced ish moshte) , the German greeting. Plus I cringe visibly when someone confuses the words “German” and “Germany”. Unless , that person is my 8 year old daughter. “Sweerie , repeat after me ……GermaNY is the country and GermaN is the language.” Good.

Paris

First of all I’m no longer one who will try to pronounce “Paris” as “Paree” , “Parhee”…or something fancy like that. As I learnt , you don’t have to! Unless you are speaking French. But if you are speaking English , Paris is just pronounced like that. Paris.

Paris is as beautiful / scenic / magical as they say……Paris is like a 40 year old woman, who oozes with sophistication and confidence. Her make-up is meticulously done, and every strand of her hair is where it is supposed to be. She’s got it, and she knows it. In fact, she comes off as one who is not trying to impress. But her effortless style just captivates you….

Walking down the streets of Paris , you feel like you are starring in a movie…

There is traffic. Most of the time. The cars on the roads are predominantly Peugeot , VW , and so many Mercedez Benz , it’s obscene.

~~~~~~~~~~~

“It’s Okay. You can smoke of you like,” said our cab driver. To which my Italian speaking colleagues chuckled and exchanged a DO-WE-LOOK-LIKE-WE-WANT-TO-SMOKE look.  EVERYONE smokes in Paris. OK , not everyone but you get the picture. After the day’s session , we were on our way back to the hotel. But we had been going round in circles and sitting in traffic for 3 hours now. Turns out the French speaking, jeans-sagging cab driver, who seemed like he was high on something, had got our hotel direction wrong. The map on my iPad came in handy once again , and soon we were back on track. We finally got to the hotel at almost 10:00 PM and had dinner at the hotel restaurant with my colleagues. Most of us ate salmon mainly because it was the only item in the menu we could read.

Please tell me this stuff is COOKED!?

It's just water.

On the third and last day of my stay in Paris, my colleagues and I left (our sister company) office rather late. It had been a tiring day. Some time at around midday , my 2 group mates and I (all conference participants had been divided into groups and given a topic to present) had decided to do away with the presentation we had been working on for the last one and a half days and start ALLOVER again.

At around 4:00PM we had come up with 22 slides. Now to reduce that to 10! No presentation was supposed to be longer than 10 slides. When were finally done , at 5:00PM , the group leader had said. “Now we have a presentation , but it’s lacking something….we need to make it sexy!”

Only later did we we realize that other groups had gone ahead to hire agencies to make them Steve Jobs kind of  presentations! So much for sexy.

It was going to 8:00PM when all of us left the office that evening. Some took a cab to the hotel. Though in different flights , we would all fly to Morocco the next day.

Eiffel towers

Forget the much hyped “shopping in Paris” (things are damn expensive here), I was NOT going to leave Paris without seeing the Eiffel Towers. Or leave Europe without riding in a metro train!

Luckily I had company.

Like a team in Amazing race, my jolly colleague , Martin , from The Czech Republic and I set out with only a little more than a map and a resolve to see the most-visited paid monument in the world.  But for the map, we had no idea where we were going so we were going to be asking around a lot. Soon we were on our way.

We got into a metro and alighted a couple of the times at different places. As expected, we DID lose our way at some point.

“According to map, metro station is HERE.” , quipped Martin. His spoken English was wanting.

We were standing in the middle of a random street.

“You speak French , right?” , I asked.

“No ,” said he amid laughter.

*Insert smile to hide my shock*

It’s true that in France they are taught English in school. However they do not care for it. We saw this as we tried to ask for directions from a couple of people who insisted on addressing us in French in spite of our “we speak English” plea. We weren’t lost for long though.

It was a few minutes past 9:00PM when we got to Eiffel towers. There it was , standing tall as ever , in all its magnificence. As we got closer, I took out my iPhone and took a picture of this iconic monument.

Eiffel towers is named after Gustave Eiffel whose company built it.

And then another :

It is the tallest building in Paris

Usually , a trip to the Eiffel Towers is accompanied by an elevator ride to the top , where you can have a panoramic view of the city. But there was a long queue and we needed to FIND OUR WAY back to Holiday inn , Porte De Clitchy. Hopefully before dawn.

There was free WIFI around the Eiffel but unfortunately it was not strong enough for me to send a brag photo tweet of the tower. See , there were quite a number of people just walking by or chillaxing.

After walking a few meters we met a man holding a bunch of flowers. He offered me a flower , which I declined , but accepted upon his insistence.

What happened next ….I hadn’t seen coming.

Mr. Roses approached Martin and asked him for 2 EUROS.  Turns out the flowers WERE FOR SALE and Mr. Rose thought WE ARE A COUPLE.  Now that was AWKWARD . But not surprising -when you walk the streets of Paris at night, pausing once in a while to enjoy the view of the beautiful skyline and take pictures, someone , is bound to think you are a couple , on vacation.

For the next two hours or so we were travelling by metro , alighting from this one and taking another. We also stopped over at some pizza joint to get some take-away pizza , in case we found the hotel restaurant closed.

My colleague’s flight was mid morning the next day so he was checking out at dawn. We therefore said goodbye when I reached my floor at the elevator.

Back in the room I Skype called hubby. “Babe , I had a great time…….we even went to the Eiffel Towers…!”

The next day I slept till late (my flight was at 1:00PM), going downstairs for breakfast at 9:30AM. Most of my other colleagues were there. Others had left.  After a hearty breakfast I checked out in the next half hour. Only myself and a couple of other guys from India , would be taking the same flight to Morocco.  However they left the hotel earlier so they could ‘see around’. Later , we’d meet at Mohammed V. Airport in Casablanca , on our way to Marrakech – the city where the actual conference was to take place , in Morocco.

Waiting for my cab , I sat at the hotel lounge with my baggage in front of me. “Ma’am , your cab to the airport is here . It’s a black Mercedez.”

The Kingdom of Morocco

Morocco , largely a muslim country , oozes with warm African hospitality and generosity and Arabic candour. They serve you meals in staggering amounts and they want you to taste their tea. Tea to them is symbolic. It’s their thing , like the way Nyama choma is ours. You will hardly find any blacks in Morocco though. They are Arabs. French is the second most widely spoken language (after Arabic). At the local market (souk) you can either use Moroccan Dirhams or use the EURO. They LOVE to identify with Europe.

Sofitel

Sofitel Marrakech is an expansive 5-star affair , in Marrakech /Marrakesh city.  Even from outside, Sofitel , Marrakech looks like a palace. And when you get in , they warmly welcome you (Something that was glaringly missing in Porte De Clitchy) , take your baggage and offer you tea as they serenade you with Arabic tunes while you wait to check in. The rooms are big and luxuriously furnished. Every window or door , has the distinct Moroccan shape.

view from my room balcony

Even more than sophistication and elegance, there was a feeling of abundance…and warmth. During the morning hours we’d participate in the conference sessions and in the afternoon take time out to engage in various fun activities of choice that were organized , like treasure hunts or the ‘tour of Marrakech’ which I opted out of……in favor of a 90 minute spa session.

Now , remind me again to enroll for swimming classes because I CANNOT SWIM to save my life… So you can imagine the look on my face when I was told , “Ma’am , you can take a swim as you wait for your turn to scrub.”

A cup of Moroccan tea after the spa session

In the evening, after the day’s activities I’d sit at the balcony of room 487 and take in of the beautiful scenery below…

The highlight of our Moroccan stay was the outdoor party that was organized one evening. Earlier in the day , we had spent the whole afternoon at a treasure hunt. Divided into groups , we were to walk around the market place looking for this clue and finally we would find ourselves at one common point. For several hours we had walked and walked. At some point we passed by a curio shop where they showed us the who is who’s that had been there. On the wall was a photo of of Brangelina when they had visited the shop years ago..Not all teams followed the rules though. Some teams had taken shortcuts or hired guides (we had too. ;) ) only to be later named and shamed much to the amusement of all of us.

After so much walking most of us were looking to retire early. Only a surprise awaited us in our rooms – a traditional Moroccan outfit and shoes and an invitation for a special dinner.

Each of us found a note inviting us for a moroccan exper

So it was that at dinner , we were all clad in traditional Moroccan traditional wear , the djellaba - a long and loose hooded gown which is worn over normal clothing. All ladies were in pink and men looked all papal in cream. All of us wore signature Moroccan leather sandals.

We sat at tables in tents and ate Moroccan rice and chicken as traditional dancers sang and danced for us. And just when we though we were now waiting for dessert , they brought a roasted WHOLE LAMB , per table. It was intimidating.

The setting was in an open field all carpeted

A glass of wine and a chat by the fireside

Exotic dancers entertained..

"Who wants to dance with me?"

The next day was the day to go home but flight was cancelled and so I had to stay one more day in Marrakesh. I had been away for a week and I missed home. On my last day in Morocco , I woke up late and took a horse-drawn cart to the souk (marketplace).

I got to buy a few things including this iPhone case that stole my heart for two reasons : it makes the phone kind of stick to the surface where you put it so it doesn’t slip , and it has my husband’s most favorite team on it.

I long made peace with the fact that Real Madrid , is my co-wife.

PS : Our group’s presentation was first runners up! And that , kept a smile on my face for several days.

Posted in Travelling tales | Tagged , , , | 2 Comments

How to Apply for an Italian Visa

  1. Get excited about the prospect of actually travelling to the land of the Pope.
  2. Open Google and type “Italian Visa in Nairobi.”
  3. Land on this website. Learn from it that you do not have to go to the Italian Embassy to get a visa. They have a “visa application center” which handles this process.
  4. Notice the emphasis laid on having travelling insurance. Initiate the process of acquiring the insurance.
  5. Notice that it says on the website , you have to have an appointment to submit your application.
  6. Call the visa application center to book an appointment.
  7. Talk to a someone at the visa application center who will explain that “you don’t actually need an appointment unless you are a vicar. “Sorry ?” “Unless you are a priest or a nun , you can come in any working day between 8 and 3″ , they say.
  8. Ask a couple of other questions , which will be answered with “all information is on the website!”
  9. Download the visa application form from the said website.
  10. Painstakingly fill up the 4-page font 4 form , noticing how many times the phrase “family re-union” appears on the form. Find it weird especially because your reason of travel is “business”.
  11. Fill up the form anyway.
  12. Gather other documents required including hotel confirmation , invitation letter , letter from your sponsor , their registration documents if they are an organization , and bank statements……..to prove that indeed they can cater for your expenses while in Italy.
  13. Make your payment for the Visa at one of the designated Barclays bank branches.
  14. Show up at the visa application center in some kind of forsaken building in Parklands , with the pile of documents and a photocopy of each , as instructed , feeling very pleased with yourself.

15.  Be informed curtly that “this is not the correct application form”.” This form is for visits longer than 3 months (Well , may be that explains the family re-union thing??). “The correct form has a larger font” (Font 6 maybe?)16. Smile and say that , if they would give you the correct form , you would gladly fill it…..right here , right now.

17. Be informed that “we do not have forms , you have to download from the website. ”  But I DID download THIS from the damn website?!!

18.  Try to argue out your case …. explaining that you have “come all the way”. Try to make Limuru sound far from Nairobi. Realize they won’t budge and walk away begrudgingly , after writing down some link they give you , where you will find the right form.

19. Show up two days later , on a Thursday morning , with the forms and everything.

20. “We ingia tu laking leo wanahudumia waSomali tu (You just go in , but on days like to day they only serve Somalis) ” , the security guy at the gate , breaks your heart…..unless of course you are Somali! The hell?! You guys said I can bring the forms any freaking day……I mean WORKING day?! “Yes. Except Thursday. On Thursdays , we only accept applications from Somali citizens.”

21. Ask to speak to the supervisor.

22. See the supervisor who tells you , “those ladies (the ones that serve you) will not agree” , making it clear who the boss really is!

23. Ask if you can “send someone tomorrow”. “NO. We prefer you to be present when we are serving you”.

24. Dutifully show up the next day on Friday morning. Submit the forms. “Come check after a week”. Well , that’s Okay , because your trip is two weeks away.

25. Stop at the next fast food joint you find , to take a cold soda. FINALLY , they accepted the application. It is then , that your phone beeps. A new e-mail. “Dear all” , it reads , “the pre-conference meeting that was scheduled to be held in Italy , will NOT be held in Italy….but rather , in Paris….”

>>>Continued here

Posted in Life Lessons | Tagged , , , | 14 Comments

The 3 Things Your Child Needs Most

I happened to be at the right place at the right time , this past Saturday. The school I was taking lil’ June for an interview , happened to be hosting a “mom talk”. The session started with us moms sharing about the joys of mother hood , the challenges, and things that we wish someone told us about motherhood – and which , we’d rather if they were told to us BEFORE we became moms. Of course sleep deprivation came tops and that it is a 24/7 job (with no manual).

One mom to twins , said she wishes someone had told her that you can actually HAVE TWINS. Hehe.

The speaker was Pastor Simon Mbevi of Mavuno Church and his wife Sophie. Being a girls’ school the talk was skewed more towards the girl child. I picked up more than a couple of things :

What your child needs from you

Photo from the internet

Every child , girl or boy has a strong need for 3 things:

  1. To be shown affection (loved).
  2. To be affirmed.
  3. To be accepted.

“The reason adults go for counseling is because these needs were not met for them when they were kids. And the counselors’ role now becomes to tell them that they are loved , they are accepted……to affirm them..” , said Pastor Mbevi.

Mom’s role

From the age of 0 to 8 a child is attached to his / her mother (or whoever the mother figure is) and it is the mother, more than anyone else who is tasked with fulfilling these needs for the child.

Your young daughter is constantly asking : Am I lovely to be loved? Am I accepted? Am I someone’s centre of the universe?  Your son equally craves your affirmation and acceptance.

Being a mom to a child this age, means answering these 3 questions the best way you can.

Dad takes over

From the age of 8 to 18, it is daddy (or whoever the father figure is) who plays the part of fulfilling these 3 needs.

“At this stage, mom kind of takes the backstage in a child’s life. The child is looking to detach from mummy and is looking for daddy’s waiting hand…” , we were told.

It is daddy who calls out the woman in a girl, and the man in a boy.

What makes this tricky is that , “there is no fatherly instinct. Fathers have to DECIDE to be part of their child’s upbringing.”

So what about Single Parents?

If you are a single parent, find someone who can play that role to your kids. One mom expressed her fear about the risk of exposing one’s children to pedophiles. To answer this, the speaker said that , indeed the risk is there , however , it is existent even for children living with mum and dad as studies show , 80 percent of child abuse is done by a parent or close family member.

The good pastor added that they were running a program where they hook up children of single moms with trusted men (who mostly have kids of their own)  , so they can spend time with the children – take them for a game , out for lunch…etc.

There is a lot of father hunger going on. We need men to stand up and say , I will be an elder in this community.” – Pastor Mbevi

What moms wished they knew

  • You cannot delegate  – As one mom reckoned : “As moms we like to think we can delegate this job to the house help , the driver , the teacher…..” , it doesn’t work.
  • You are going to change a lot , emotionally.
  • Enjoy every stage of their growth – The breastfeeding, toothless grins , the endless questions ……and the noise. One day , you will have an empty nest.
  •  Things your mom told you may not necessarily work in today’s world.
  •  Me time…..? What is me time? – You will be lucky to as much as use the bathroom , without some little fellow waiting outside your door , and lawd forbid , inquiring what the nature of your call is.
  •  You will be expected to be a mom, a teacher, a referee , daddy (if required)…..and any other roles that may come up.
  • You , are ALWAYS on call.
  • “When they are young , tell them about God ; When they are older , tell God about them.”

 

Posted in Marriage & Parenting, The joys of Motherhood | Tagged , , | 7 Comments

Which One Should I Marry?

I am no expert in relationships , but I earned myself the agony aunt title when I received this E-mail from Cynthia over a year ago. :)

A few days back I received this e-mail from Ben :

I am in some kind of predicament that I would like your advice on, he wrote.

I am 30 years old, and not married. I have not been in anything close to a love relationship since the end of 2009. However , the whole of this year there is a lady that i have been seeing.

Source : http://www.bvblackspin.com

 In May, I left the country on work. While there I met a girl, and we seemed to hit off. Now comes my predicament: I was thinking about getting serious about the girl in Kenya, though there were some things I needed to get over , biggest being that she is older than me. The other one is younger than me but has a daughter.

What is you take on a guy marrying a lady older than himself (Consider Mrs Ntong’o's advise of girls maturing faster than men) And would it be a good idea to marry someone who has a child or she will be concerned with the child than the relationship?

Before throwing in my 2 cents worth , I promised Ben I would put this up on the blog and ask the readers to share any word of advise they would have for him.

What’s your advise for Ben?

Posted in Ask the reader, Sex & Relationships | Tagged | 8 Comments

Why I am not Reading Fifty Shades of Grey

My bank account would love to be EL James’ bank account right now. With over 5.3 million copies sold so far , her book , 50 shades of grey has remained number one in the UK best-seller chart for the 16th week running.

However, when I heard that this book , everyone is is talking about , is “Mills and Boon on steroids”, I knew right away that I’d pass it up. What with reviews like these :

“About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old’s fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly with an enormous pe**s, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he’s not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he’s never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their “dream man” and came up with Christian Grey (the main character).”

It gets worse…

Christian is controlling, possessive, condescending, and cruel. He doesn’t allow Ana to behave as she normally would, and Ana just puts up with it, insistent that if she can give him what he wants, when he wants, as often as he wants, she can eventually begin to pull his strings….writes Katrina Lumsden.

Much worse…

“Anyone wanna hear about the tampon scene? Oh, you’ve already heard about the tampon scene? Yeah, same here, although hearing about it and reading the actual scene are a bit different. For some reason, you imagine it being worse than it actually is, while at the same time, reading about it is more horrifying than you could possibly imagine.” 

|| “He reaches…… and pulls on the blue string…….and tosses it into the nearby toliet.”||

Spell the word GROSS. I hear they are making a movie out of it. Now we shall have to watch that?!

But perhaps the most hilarious comment I have read was that from a reader on Amazon who said “….the sex scenes are so boring …..I have had better sex myself.”  :D

So much for erotica.

It’s almost shocking that people (mostly women)  are finding this book romantic.

This is a book about one sick, abusive man and his obsession with a young, naive invertebrate (Ana). It’s a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self, who sacrifices any pretense of individuality in order to hold onto a man who doesn’t even show her the faintest glimmer of respect…

Now I’ll be totally honest, the biggest issue I have with Fifty Shades of Sh*t is neither the sex nor the horrible writing. It’s the plot. Thin as it is, it’s still there, its core message being that, given enough time, you can change someone…… In the books, probably. In real life? No. Almost never. How many idiotic, weak women are going to waste their lives on some emotionally retarded prick because they’ve read shit like this and think this kind of f***ed-up fairytale will come true for them? ”

Anyone here reading this book? Let’s just say I’d rather spend time playing Foxy bingo than read “Mills and Boon , with bondage”.

You can read Katrina’s charming review here .

 

Posted in Rants & Reviews | Tagged , , , | 13 Comments

Big Hill Holiday Camp

Other than a British accent , my daughter had picked up quite a number of things from Big Hill Holiday camp : like a renewed love for art , a rare appreciation of nature, a daring spirit and a conviction that “mum , no matter what you say Pembroke house is the best school in the whole wide world.”

The Big hill camp mates at a briefing

It’s been a week since we picked her up from camp and as expected , she can’t stop talking about it ; how they slept in these awesome dorm rooms , every night settling in for a movie before resting their tired little bodies , how she can’t wait for next year’s camp and how their days at the camp were filled with fun activities and projects :

The Big hill camp timetable went something like this. There was a theme for each day , and that day’s activities were based on the theme.

Day 1 : Water

Bunny and her camp mates , 7 to 14 years of age spent the day swimming , doing water slides and making creative paper mache fish using baloons , old newspaper , wheat flour “glue” and lots of water.

Day 2 : Fire
Exploring uses of fire ; creating camp fires…

Day 3 : Heart
Little miss and her camp mates learnt about a healthy diet and exercise to keep your heart strong. And painting flower pots and planting strawberry trees in them….

Little miss

Day 4 : Wind

Among the activities that day , was making and flying kites and creating mini windmills…

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Day 5 : Earth

Day 5 was spent spent doing creative nature printing and orienteering which Wikipedia tells me is “a family of sports that requires navigational skills using a map and compass to navigate from point to point in diverse and usually unfamiliar terrain, and normally moving at speed.”

Unplugged

Once in a while I bore my kids with stories of how we didn’t have a TV at home until I was almost a teen. In fact , were it not for my elder sister’s outstanding perfomance in her KCSE (calling for a befitting gift – a TV) , my childhood would be devoid of memories of a power solared Daewoo TV that sat so high on top of a cupboard in our small living room, it was more comfortable watching it standing.

One of the things that thrilled me about Big Hill , was that it was an “unplugged” experience , hence no phones or play stations were allowed. This was to enable the kids to spend time doing things actually good for their heart…..and brain. If you wanted to call though , you could and your kid could also call you – if they wanted.

Needless to say , the camp kids were not allowed TV as well. However at night before bedtime , they would unwind with a movie – mainly golden oldies like gods must be crazy.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Pembroke House

At 85 years , Pembroke house , the the school that runs and hosts this camp , is a school with a rich history. The school was started as an unfinished farmhouse bought from a Capt. Gibson who had intended to farm flax but had run out of money. The school culture includes age old traditions like , letter-writing , whereby kids write letters home every Tuesday morning.

A goodie bag the campers were given on their last day at camp contained a beautiful key – shaped flash disk with a 9 minute video of life at the school. It depicts a culture of responsibility and caring for each other – the Pembroke spirit , that was so embodied by the staff in charge of Big Hill camp ; the same spirit that made you feel comfortable leaving your child with them.

So it’s been a week since Big Hill. I am still getting used to the fact that after a week at camp , my daughter has a British accent. And, the ability to switch it on and off at will. :)

Posted in Me and Mine | Tagged , , , , | 6 Comments

Home Alone

With her sister at Big Hill holiday camp , this week it has been just lil’ June and us. And she has had time to ask us all those questions she has always wanted to ask.

“Mum , water has which vitamin?”

Um , water has a whole lot of vitamins baby…..i mean er…minerals, that are good for us.

“And showering every day has what vitamin?” :D

“Showering every day is good for the skin and it makes it easier for us to get Vitamin D from the sun” , I said feeling quite proud of the theory I had just invented. When you are a parent, you have to be creative.

When we dropped her sister to camp on Monday , she wanted to remain too.

However it would not have been possible as Big Hill holiday camps only admit 7 to 14 year olds. But she had a great time for the next hour or so , sampling the facilities available for the Big hill campers.

Daddy's girl

I can tell she misses her sister but she is also happy hogging our undivided attention. At night she comes with a book and either daddy or I read her a story , after which she says her bedtime prayers , which include the phrase , “Oh , God thank you for this NEW day.”

She’s so sweet , I can’t even correct her. :)

Today we are going to pick Bunny up from camp , and tonight parents are allowed to camp with the option of setting up a tent at the Big Hill camping grounds, if they want. Now, I’d be so excited about sleeping in a tent , had I not grown up in the rural areas.

Posted in The joys of Motherhood | 4 Comments