How To Talk To Your Child About Sex

07. May 2012 · 2 comments · Categories: Marriage & Parenting, Sex & Relationships

If you are around your child enough, one day he/she will ask you, “Where did I come from?” or worse , “What is sex?”. Then you will all of a sudden feel breathless and try your best to hide your nervousness.  I mean, isn’t that what the parenting books said? Remain calm? Don’t panic? Or feel cornered? This is your CHILD you are talking to, not a commission of inquiry? Sigh.

Way much easier said than done.

Whether your parent sat you down to tell you about the birds and the bees or they delegated that to the Home Science teacher, if you have children your time will come. Your time will come to ‘start the conversation’ . See , it is no longer called giving the talk any more. It is called the beginning of an ongoing conversation. And you don’t have to wait for your child to ask. You will be surprised , how much they have picked up from their peers in school already.

To that end, here are tips I got from my ever reliable online parenting companion, BabyCenter.com.

“Your grade-schooler is also exposed to lots of opinions, ideas, and misconceptions that come from other children. He’s likely to believe the “facts” he hears from his friends, no matter how outrageous they are. And if your 8-year-old has some 10-year-old buddies, he may be asking you questions you didn’t think you’d have to handle so soon. When he hears your answers, he might take them in stride or he might react with a loud “Yuck!” This is a clear — and healthy — sign that he’s just not ready to learn more details about sex yet. Most children under the age of 8 can’t, and don’t need to, grasp the actual mechanics of sex, and discussions of erections, periods, labor, and other aspects of sexuality may frighten them. Here goes :

Be calm and relaxed (told ya! :) ) It’s not easy to keep from cringing when your child asks you what a “boner” is. Just do your best to speak calmly, so you can respect your child’s natural curiosity without being judgmental. Each time you successfully tackle a sensitive topic, the anxiety level (for both of you) goes down. If you avoid these talks, your child won’t learn your values about sex, but will develop his own from what he gleans from friends and the media.

Photo : howtodothings.com

Many adults feel awkward talking about sex with their child because they don’t have much practice doing it (the talking ;) ) and because they’re afraid of telling too much once a discussion gets going . The best strategy is to try to answer questions calmly and succinctly, however unusual or embarrassing it seems. If talking about sex is difficult for you, try rehearsing your answers in advance, either alone or with your spouse or partner. Take advantage of questions that come up when you’re both at ease — in the family room, on a walk, or during those quiet moments when you’re tucking him into bed. The car is also a great place to talk, since having to keep your eyes on the road allows you to avoid eye contact, which may help you stay more relaxed.
“The important thing is for a parent to explain difficult topics without seeming anxious,” says Jerome Kagan, professor of psychology at Harvard University. “The child is picking up the melody line, not the words.”

Really listen. Resist the temptation to jump in with speeches the minute your child asks a question about sex. Parents have been known to embark on a long explanation of conception and birth only to hear their 6-year-old interrupt, “No, I mean Timmy said he’s from California; where did I come from?” To make sure that you understand his question, you might try responding to your child’s question with another question. “How do babies grow — do you mean, how do a mom and dad start a baby growing? Or how does the baby get food when he’s growing inside the mother?”

Keep it simple. Answers to questions about conception and birth can be a bit more detailed for grade-schoolers, but you probably don’t need to go into detail about sexual intercourse yet. And while you don’t want to sound like a doctor, you should use appropriate language (“penis” and “vagina,” not “wee-wee” or “pee-pee”). It will lessen the sense that sexual topics are off-limits and embarrassing. “How are babies made? The dad has seeds, called sperm, which are made in the testes, in that special pouch of skin hanging behind his penis. Millions of tiny sperm are made there all the time. They get mixed with a white liquid called semen. The mom’s eggs grow inside her body, in her ovaries. Every month the mom’s ovaries make an egg. When we made you, semen from Daddy’s penis carried the sperm into my womb. Just one sperm joined up with the egg, and that was the start of a new baby — you!” Your child may or may not be satisfied with that answer. Keep answering his questions as long as he shows interest, but don’t overload him with information if his next comment is, “Okay. What’s for dinner?”

Encourage their interest. No matter what your child’s question, try not to snap, “Where did you get that idea? We don’t talk about things like that,” and don’t try to steer the conversation elsewhere. Either way, your grade-schooler will get the message that his perfectly normal questions are taboo, and that he’s bad for even thinking of them. “You want to be an ‘ask-able’ parent,” says Pepper Schwartz, a sociology professor at the University of Washington in Seattle and coauthor of Ten Talks Parents Must Have With Their Children About Sex and Character. ”Your kid should know you love this kind of conversation. He’s constantly forming pictures in his mind of what reality is — and they’re not always accurate. You want to be there to give him the truth and assuage any worries.” So answer his questions and praise him for asking: “What a good question! Ask me some more any time you want to.” If you don’t know the answer, tell him honestly, “I’m not sure, but let’s go look it up together.” Your willingness to talk honestly with your child is an ongoing gift he’ll need as he steers his way through the confusions of childhood, adolescence, and beyond.

Use everyday opportunities. You don’t have to wait for your child to ask all the questions. You’ve probably already been discussing sexuality for years, simply by talking about the mommy goat nursing her baby at the zoo or examining the broken bird’s egg he found on the sidewalk. Keep using those moments, as well as scenes of family life in movies or on TV, to talk about relationships and sexuality. Books also provide perfect opportunities for talking about sex and birth. “For grade-schoolers I highly recommend What’s the Big Secret? by Laurie Krasny-Brown and Marc Brown, the creator of the Arthur books,” says Pearl Simmons, an education specialist who teaches parenting classes at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh.

Teach privacy. Your grade-schooler understands the occasional need for “private time” and he should know that he needs to knock before coming in when your door is closed. Be sure to follow the same rule yourself when your child has shut his door. It’s also a good idea to continue to emphasize to your grade-schooler that his private parts are private. It’s not unusual — and not really erotic — for 6-year-olds to experiment by “playing doctor,” so there’s no need to scold your young grade-schooler if you catch him doing this. But he can learn that no one else should touch him there but Mom, Dad, or the doctor, and that he should say “no” to anyone who tries to touch his private parts against his wishes. “This is an important issue, and you should teach it proactively,” says Simmons.

Babycenter.com goes ahead to give these sample answers to difficult questions…

  • “What’s sex?”
  • A 6, 7, or 8-year-old is most apt to ask this question if something he’s seen or heard — usually from an older child or on TV — introduces the idea. Don’t shy away from it, but remember that children this age are probably still too young for details about the mechanics of sex. However, even 6-year-olds can learn that there’s an emotional element to sex. You can tell him, “The word ‘sex’ is sometimes used to mean whether someone is a boy or a girl, like when we ask, ‘What sex is the baby?’ Sex is also one of the ways two grown-ups can show that they love each other very much, by touching each other’s body during private time together. Or say, it’s short for ‘having sex’ or, it is a way to say ‘making love.’
  • “How does the baby get out?”
  • Children are fascinated with pregnancy and birth, and they may envision anything from Mom vomiting up the baby to Dad unzipping Mom’s belly and letting the baby walk out. Grade-schoolers can be told, “When the baby is ready to be born, the bottom of the womb — which is called the cervix — slowly stretches open. Strong muscles in the womb push the baby down the vagina and out from between the mom’s legs. This takes a few hours.” Other questions about pregnancy and delivery include, “Does it hurt to have the baby? How does the baby get food when he’s inside of you? What does he look like now?”
  • “What are you and Dad doing?” 
  • Many parents dread that their child might walk in on them during sex. It can also be acutely embarrassing for your grade-schooler. It’s nearly impossible not to get flustered, but try (and then start locking the bedroom door!). You can say, “Honey, Daddy and I need privacy right now. If you go back to your room, I’ll be there in just a minute.” Then put on a robe, take a few deep breaths, and go talk to your child. “Mom and Dad were making love, showing how much we care about each other. We usually lock the door because that’s private. We forgot this time.” Depending on your child’s reaction, you can ask, “Did that upset you? Is there anything you need?” Make sure your child isn’t scared or worried by what he saw, and be sure to emphasize that he didn’t do anything wrong. Don’t chide, “You should have knocked!” By now your child is already wishing he hadn’t gone in.
  • If you’re sure your grade-schooler understood what he saw, you might try to ease the tension with a little humor by saying, “Well, this isn’t exactly how I’d planned to teach you about sex! I’m a little embarrassed, but I’ll get over it. Now, ask me anything you want.” A grade-schooler’s response to seeing you making love can range from an upset, “Were you hurting each other?” to a curious “Why were you making that noise?” to an embarrassed, “I’m getting out of here!” “

If you ask me, I’d rather the bedroom-locking option , any day.

Related : How to talk to your child about sex in the media

You Died in my Scrotum

21. April 2012 · 1 comment · Categories: Poetry?, Something Borrowed · Tags:

Once in a while I stumble upon such awesomeness that I just have to share.

Here is, You Died in my Scrotum , a poem by Barasa Ongeti

To My Daughter Who Will Never Be Born…

You will never be born because you died in my scrotum.

You died in my scrotum because I was killed.

I was killed because I didn’t vote for them.

I didn’t vote for them because I wasn’t their tribe.

I wasn’t their tribe because they taught us about “watu wetu”.

They taught us about Watu Wetu because they wanted votes, from us “Watu Wao”.

 

And we fought and raped and killed in their name and sang “tuko pamoja”.

After the prayer rally, I trekked in my yellow vuta pumz sandals to my slum house ;

while he rode in Yves Saint Laurent leather shoes placed on the floor mat of his Land-something V6 ;

to his palace right across the road, in Karen.

I still sang ”tuko pamoja”.

 

I couldn’t eat supper that night because I didn’t have any.

Besides, if I did, I didn’t have salt.

I could have borrowed salt, but in 2008 I killed my neighbor,

He who used to lend me salt,

Although he was not Watu Wetu, he still used to lend me salt.

 

The Watu Wetu who I only used to see on TV and at prayer rallies never lent me salt.

In fact, they used it to flavor the bacon they bought from the money they stole ;

that was meant to take you, my daughter to school.

You will never go to school anyway ;

because you died in my scrotum.

 

You died in my scrotum because my neighbor’s sons came to kill me.

My neighbor’s sons came to kill me because in 2008, I killed their father;

because I was cheering Watu Wetu and he was were cheering Watu Wao.

 

I wish I had learnt early enough that the real Watu Wetu are the ones from whom I borrowed chumvi when I had none.

The real Watu Wetu didn’t need votes so that they could fatten their bellies.

The real Watu Wetu are the ones who would have pushed your mother on a wheelbarrow to the slum dispensary when she was about to birth you.

But you will never be born my daughter, you died in my scrotum.

 

I know you do not understand anything about watu wetu ;

Or why I sang for him tuko pamoja yet I lived in a slum and he lives in a palace.

You will never understand these things because you are a new breed.

You are a breed called Kenyan.

Your tribe doesn’t matter;

your second name doesn’t matter.

Nothing matters anyway, because you died in my scrotum when my neighbor’s sons killed me, because I killed my neighbor.

Kaaga Girls : Tales from my High School

05. March 2012 · 25 comments · Categories: Rants & Reviews · Tags: , , , ,

I cannot be the only one heartbroken that Kaaga Girls High School aka KG did not make it to the top 100 in the country, in last years’s KCSE exam! :(  For four years I wore green uniform and tried to keep off the grass that grew on the well manicured lawns of Kaaga girls. I sat for Maths CATs on Friday mornings and ate Githeri on Tuesdays evenings. I took cold showers at 5:00AM in the morning (how did one EVER do that?!) and attended prep till 9:15 in the evening.

I am a proud alumni of Kaaga Girls High school, the school that has contributed a big chunk to who I am today. One of the notable alumni of this great school in Meru County, is Prof. Leah Marangu the first woman to head a University in Kenya. And of course my classmate from Form 1 to Form 4, Kingwa Kamenchu..

Present day Kaaga "Ngaos" | Photo courtesy of Fromtheirperspective.org

Here is what I fondly recall about Kaaga Girls, where I studied from 1997, to become a ‘millennium candidate’ in 2000.

Ntong’o :
Ntong’o. That was what we called our headmistress, Mrs. Gichoga. Ntong’o was the ultimate iron lady. Think Martha Karua. She carried around her, an air of style and class and authority. If you were walking along the pavement and you spotted her walking towards you, then your uniform had better be in impeccable condition and your hair neatly held in a bun….Otherwise, it was more prudent for you to change direction and avoid meeting her altogether, lest you earned yourself a punishment or a bashing like kijana of the Toss ad. Hehe.

Her title was not Headmistress. Not even  Principal. She had risen through the ranks to earn herself the title Chief principal.

Mrs Gichoga was a woman of nyadhi (refer to The River and The Source). She was tall and had a distinct graceful walking style. She never wore a cardigan, no matter how cold it was. On the same note, she frowned upon girls wearing more than one sweater to beat the July chill. She made them remove the extra cardigans. Right there. During assembly. ^_^

I loved it when she addressed us. I loved listening to her speak. “Good morning Ngaos…” , she would start. And proceed to impart on us a lot of wisdom. She would pick random topics and lecture us on the same. Like procrastination. Or relationships. Ntong’o helped shape our idea of relationships with the opposite sex. She told us that girls are more mentally mature than boys of the same age. She emphasized on cleanliness and taught that it was barbaric to tie a sweater around your waist. Ntong’o was a widely travelled lady; and she always let us in on her findings in foreign lands when she came back..

We admired Ntong’o. She inspired us. She was(and still is!) a really classy lady.

The pavement leading to Mrs Gichogas office. We called it "Gichoga Highway" and it was illegal to use it! To get to her office, you used alternative routes

One more thing. She ensured that we read the newspaper daily. There was a special notice board onto which two newspapers were pinned daily for us to read..

Maths CAT :

To keep our Mathematics perfomance in check, every Friday at 7:30AM , we sat for a Mathematics CAT. At the end of the term, if your average for all maths CATs was below the pass mark, you remained behind for TWO weeks of remedial teaching after the others had closed school.

Accrossians :

We had a love-hate relationship with Meru school – the school across. We called them acrossians. And they called us accrossians too. While it was great to have a ‘brother school’ just a stones’s throw away we were sworn competitors when it came to KCSE.

It was Nkubu boys aka Nkuberians , that we fancied though. Not because they were hot. But because they were rumored to have Mocks leakage. ^_^

Mass :

By the virtue of being a Roman Catholic , myself and a ‘privileged’ few attended mass at Meru school. On Sundays you needed not be shown the ‘mass goers’. We looked spick and span while our counterparts who were left to attend the interdenominational service in the school hall let their hair down quite literally and wore their oldest set of uniform – except of course the CU officials.
So on Sundays we mass-goers would gather at the gate for roll call. Mr. Rukunga the YCS patron was always present to identify any foreigners; he was not shy to send them back. He did not buy into the reason some crafty girls gave that they had ‘converted’ to catholism over time even though their school records indicated otherwise. He sent them all back.
At The Meru school hall we would find our column of seats reserved for us. In attendance would also be Kaaga Boys aka KB who we often ignored because ‘we were out of their league’. Not my words.

One year , when the previous years’ KCSE results had come out and we had beaten Meru School, we showed up for mass and there were no seats for us. It took the chiding of Father Peter, the priest in charge, for them to get us seats. He told them that only boys and not men, would behave like that. Ouch!

Being a mass goer meant you would often have to carry a letter or bunch of them with you from your schoolmates to their boyfriends across. After mass accrossians would escort us to the gate and they would send us with letters too..

Birdwatching :

This was a technical term referring to watching accrossians through the class windows. It was a preserve for Form 3’s and Form 4’s because their windows were closest to the fence that separated the two schools. It was for the daring though and those who did not belong to the C.U. Or Y.C.S. :)

The dormitories :

Our dorms were named after rivers. Thuci is one of those I remember. Officially the oldest dorm or so it seemed, Thuci was for the longest time, infamously referred to as as “the ugly ndukling” (sic) by Ntong’o who made it her business to ensure it was given a smashing make over making it the poshest.

I was in Mara dorm, the furthest dorm from the administration block. We were best in cleanliness and were consistently the best dorm in Science congress. (Understandably?) , we never took any medals home for music festivals..

Boys in Dorm :

A story goes of a Tana dorm member who just didn’t feel like attending prep one evening. Wearing her most ‘sick’ expression she convinced the dorm captain that she really needed to have some rest as she wasn’t feeling too well. Armed with the key, she found her way to dorm. She thought she saw lights on on, one section of the dorm when she was opening but didn’t pay much attention. She must have been whistling to herself as she got in thinking how she was going to have an early night.

What happened next left the poor girl scarred for the rest of the term.

She saw a man, she says, dressed in our school’s uniform escaping through the dorm ceiling. Forgetting her sickness, she ran all the way back to class horrified, on her way, notifying the watchman.

The school watchman, Gatako , swears he didn’t see no one.

Another night, long after the occupants of Thingithu dorm had gone to sleep, a scream cut through the still of the night…

“Girls! WAKE UP!! There ARE boys in dorm!”

It took a couple of hours before Thingithu dorm girls could settle down again and sleep. The boys, this time allegedly two of them, escaped through the ceiling again.

Soon there was a wave of either ghosts or boys rumoured to be in dorms in the dead of the night. Ntong’o was not in the least amused by these happenings. Concerned that her ngaos were starting to suffer from hysteria she declared during assembly one day, that there were NO boys in dorms and those who claimed to see boys in dorm at night were either hallucinating or had invited them! She ordered that each of the 57 girls in Thingithu dorm, ‘the worst hit’, be given a hockey stick. lol. For real.

She said , if there was really an intruder in dorm, the girls were free to clobber him senseless and then call her…to come and see.

Any accrossian or KB alumni reading this ; please confirm if there were mischievous boys who actually crossed over to KG at night…

Outings :

How awesome was it that we were given outings from time to time! On some Saturday afternoons we would be allowed to go for outings. Oh the glory! Madam Gichoga always reminded us that we were the only girls’ school in the (province?) allowed outings and we had better take it as a privilege. There were conditions thus :

  • Do not use public(or even private) transport. Walk.
  • Do not walk alone. Walk in two’s. Three is a crowd!
  • Do not get into a bar. (Duh?!)
  • DO NOT be late. Because if you are, you will be ‘gated’ which basically means you’ll be grounded until further notice.
  • If you were gated then you had to report for roll call every 30 minutes, when the others had left for outings.

TV :

At some point, watching TV in the school hall was banned after 9:30PM.The new youngish school watchman Angel Michael (who was only as angelic as Lucifer’s angels) , was given the task of ensuring this new rule was adhered to. Those of us who watched The Bold and Beautiful could not imagine missing an episode so we’d sneak into the hall and watch it almost on mute so as not to attract the attention of the watchman. One day we were caught though and the watchman took down our names.

Only, the next day when he presented the names to the office, there were no students in the school register going by those names…

—————————————————————————————————————————————–

Quite a bit has changed in KG since I was there at the dawn of the 21st century. They added an extra stream to make the school a 4 streamed one and Mrs Gichoga left to become TSC commissioner (I hear).

Did I mention she was also an alumni of the school herself? Oh, yes she was. And so is my mother-in-law , another great woman.

To curb birdwatching , the school now has a ‘China wall’ surrounding it (I’m told).

I hope that right about now, the KG class of 2012 are thinking about mole concept and integers , and not too much about the letters they are getting from the boys across.

Long live KG!

PS : Special congratulations to Meru School who ranked 25th in the country in 2011 KCSE!

Hell hath no fury like a Nyeri woman scorned

14. February 2012 · 8 comments · Categories: Random · Tags: , , ,

A joke doing the rounds now is that there is an offer running where the conditions are “Marry one Nyeri woman and be entered into a draw where you stand a chance to win an AK – 47 rifle.”

Photo : As shared on Facebook

If the recent goings-on are anything to go by then it is indeed safe to say that hell hath no fury like a Nyeri woman scorned!

The photo on the front page of that Saturday Nation last Saturday had most men and human rights activists rattled. As for the women, they shook their heads in silence but the ones who spoke about it wondered why the woman did not just pack up and leave if she was that embittered. Others wondered why it made the headlines , when if it had been a woman on the receiving end, it would be “other news.”

Whether the woman or the man is the victim , domestic violence is sad and pitiful with the most affected always being the children.

“When you fight with each other in front of your children, it changes who they are.” – Dr. Phil

Fighting does not have to be physical. Causing another emotional turmoil by insulting them , belittling or manipulating them also amounts to violence.

But perhaps the reason battered men’s stories make headlines is that when there is trouble in a relationship, society expects women to be the ones holding it together, struggling to make ends meet, hiding their pain and burying themselves in the Women’s Guild while the men, “drown their frustrations” in alcohol.

 

Things I scribble down..

12. February 2012 · 1 comment · Categories: Random, Spiritual Sunday

When cleaning out my closet which I do like once in a lifetime periodically, I bump into stuff.Last week I bumped into a journal I had scribbled on and I always wonder when I wrote all that stuff! Anyway, the journal is from 2009 which now  seems like a whole lifetime ago. These are excerpts from my journal , which was a Kasuku excercise book belonging to my daughter ^_^ :

Some quite straight forward (or seemingly so!) verses I know :

These words recorded in Mathew 5:34-37 , were said by Jesus : “Do not swear. Do not swear at all! Do not swear by heaven for it is God’s throne. Neither by the earth for it is His footstool, neither by your head, for you cannot turn any of your hair white or black. Simply say yes, I will or no I won’t. Anything beyond this is from the evil one.”

Some versions of the Bible say, do not vow. Hmmm. Apparently to vow is to swear. Any priests/pastors out there? @PastorWa?

Photo courtesy of devotionsfordisciples.com

Another is :

“You are to live clean, innocent lives as children of God in a dark world full of people who are crooked and stubborn. Shine out among them like a beacon of light.”. - Philippians 2:15

I must have been 15 when I first read that verse. This verse challenges me, as a Christian, up to this day.

Stuff about marriage :

To love is a decision.

To respect is a decision

These things should not depend on the other’s actions

You have to love and respect regardless…

Inspired quotes :

“I am human. That means I have things I am good at, and things I am not so good in..”

“I am an individual. All the people in my life are also individuals. God has put them in my life to make it more bearable. But in the end, everyone is an individual. Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. I cannot control or change others. Maybe, just maybe, I can influence them. But in the end, I am an individual and I owe it to myself to become happy.”

And I must have heard this from some sermon..

Just like in accounting there is a debit entry for every credit entry , in life , for every yes, there is a no. If you have said yes to success in a particular area of your life and are failing, ask yourself if you have said yes but no corresponding no. The NOs are the sacrifices you have to make to achieve your YES’.

And there goes a Spiritual Sunday post! Remain blessed and have a good week!

 

 

Are you an entrepreneur or an investor?

30. January 2012 · 14 comments · Categories: Random, Rants & Reviews · Tags: , ,

I went back to school recently as mentioned earlier. A couple of weeks ago, while reporting for our second semester, my classmates and I had to make a decision. We had to make a decision as to what elective we were taking – Entrepreneurship or Investment & Portfolio management.

For days, this had been a subject of discussion among us, with some basing their preference on how ‘theoretical’ or ‘mathematical’ the two subjects are (or presumed to be), and what would have more impact in our careers , and/or businesses. Someone suggested, tongue in cheek, that the younger members of the class would rather go with investment and portfolio management , while the not-so-young ones were better off with Entrepreneurship , “as they would soon be retiring to it.”

To help us make a decision, we had an orientation with the instructors of both subjects.

First came the entrepreneurship instructor. He started by defining what an entrepreneur is – rather , differentiating an entrepreneur from a businessman.

“We all know who an entrepreneur is. An entrepreneur is a risk-taker. He/she manages their time and resources, in order makes profits. What many do not know is that there is a difference between an entrepreneur and a businessman/woman.“

He went on to explain that a businessman takes risks and makes profits alright , but there is something an entrepreneur does that a businessman does not do. An entrepreneur brings something new – a value add – in addition to the services, or products that a regular businessman offers. He took us through half an hour of what the course would entail , convincing us that the entrepreneurship class would equip us with knowledge on how to stand out ; on how to do it differently ; on how to think outside the box and most importantly, on how to make money! It all sounded good. What’s more? The semester’s term paper for those who would go with this option, would be to write a business plan – a unique and viable idea that you would actually follow through to fruition. Now, that would be like a whole project on its own!

By the end of the entrepreneurship orientation class, the only thing we were all in agreement about, was that it is pronounced ENTREpreneurship and not ENTERprenuership. :)

Enter the investment & Portfolio management instructor.

“Entreprenuership, is a form of investment!”, he began, throwing some into more confusion and lighting a bulb in the minds of others.

At the end of the day , we had all made a decision.

I chose investment. Reason? I do not believe any amount of training can make one a successful entrepreneur. I believe entrepreneurs are born , not made.

What do you think?

Mummy, What is mwizi wa mapenzi?

17. January 2012 · 9 comments · Categories: Random · Tags:

On good evenings, I get to read for my daughters . On very good evenings, I get to read with them. Last week , in preparation for the back-to-school exam, I was reading with Kajune. She can now read all 3 letter words and a few other longer words , which makes me – and her – particularly proud.

The book we were reading is  Sound and Read : Book 1. Thus…

A page in Sound and read book 1

Fun – That’s OK.

Skull – SERIOUSLY?! Who puts skull in a kid’s book? Like how would you use it in a sentence? “I hurt my skull today, playing football?”

Pug – I learn new words all the time. I just didn’t know I’d learn new words from my pre-school’s child textbook. Apparently pug is some dog breed.

Lux -  ”…the SI unit of illuminance and luminous emittance, measuring luminous flux per unit area. It is used in photometry as a measure of the intensity, as perceived by the human eye, of light that hits or passes through a surface.” – Wikipedia.

Now, put that in a language a 5 year old will understand. And just when I thought things wouldn’t get harder..

I know!

“I love that song” , says Bunny as she walks into the living room , effectively interrupting us.

The song playing is Mwizi wa mapenzi.

“Oh, you do?” I ask calmly.

“Mami , What is mwizi wa mapenzi?” , cuts in Kajune.

“I Know!”, offers Bunny.

Lawd! Now, THAT’S scary!

“You do?”

“Yes!” , she answers proudly, enjoying the limelight.

“Mwizi wa mapenzi (she pauses for effect) is when someone sees two people who are married (pauses again) and love each other soo much…….and then tries to copy them!”

Pheeewks! What a relief! :)

For a moment there I was getting ready to give the talk.

“Kajune, let’s carry on”, I say , flipping to the next page.

A Village Christmas

09. January 2012 · 12 comments · Categories: Rants & Reviews · Tags: , ,

As a little girl, I looked forward to Easter. On Good Friday, mum and I would skip having the usual mass at our local church and instead travel to Nkubu approximately 13 KM away, to Nkubu Catholic church grounds where they showed a play on Jesus betrayal and crucifixion. If I was narrating this to my kids I would spice up the story by telling them that we went on foot. Hehe. We didn’t. But this journey usually took us two hours due to the bad (that’s an understatement) state of the roads where I grew up.

I looked forward to going to watch the plays every year. They showed them in a huge field and us, the audience, stood or sat around it, like we were watching a football match.

It always seemed so real to me. I would marvel at how much God let His boy go through. ( I mean how safe were we, mere mortals, if God would let His own child go through THAT?!) the cruelty of “Jesus’” haters’. It always crashed my poor little heart and moved me to tears, seeing “Jesus” being flogged. Mama always explained that it was for our own good.

What love! I felt indebted.

Fast forward two decades later and this time, I am in hubby’s company, watching, not an Easter play this time but a Christmas play – one of Kijiji Entertainment’s annual plays cum musicals, A Village Christmas - the 2011 theme being the love story between Mary and Joseph.

Now, lot has changed. A lot has changed since I last watched a Christian play…

A scene from A Village Christmas : The love story

A Village Christmas : The Love story

Picture this. You are a lady almost 20, living with her parents and engaged to be married. You are over the moon about it and ofcourse your ‘girlfriends’ are jealous so happy for you. They don’t get it , why you are getting married so young anyway, but as for you, you have no doubt that your fiance’ is the man you would like to spend the rest of your life with. Besides, your parents like him too.

You get home one evening feeling a little tired and kick off your heels that have been killing you. Nobody is home. You pace around the living room considering what to do with the rest of the evening. You know, have a quiet one at home perhaps or maybe call the girls and hook up..when, all of a sudden a man appears from no where. He is dressed in a black suit and a matching shirt and tie. You are certain that you locked the door when you came in and you didn’t hear anyone knock. But there is a man standing right there in front of you. You don’t believe your eyes. Really you don’t. If you did, you would scream.

Shocked, you muster enough courage not to run away..

“Who are you?!” You demand, reaching out for a knife your mobile phone.

“My name is Gabriel”, he says handing you his business card.

Angel Gabriel , reads the business card. :)

Now you are confused.

“Wait…er…Gabriel….I mean angel…..Aren’t you supposed to have wings or something?”

He chuckles. And speaks at last. But not before pausing to activate an app on his sleek iPad2 , from which he reads….

“…You have found favour with God…! ……You are going to bear a son…..!”

Something comes over you. It’s like a spirit takes over you. You don’t know why you are even wasting time answering this strange man. It’s like you are dreaming…

“Are you out of your mind?! Er…a son?! But…but I haven’t ….. er…i mean….I haven’t…..known a man.”

“What do you mean you don’t know any man? (Looking at his iPad) It says here that you have a father, brothers, cousins…

Hehehe.

Take Two : You are a simple chap, who is in love with this sweet and unbelievably innocent girl. You smile when you think about her and you can’t wait to marry her. You have agreed to chill till you get married, (something your buddies often tease you about). See, she is special. She is the girl of your dreams.

And the icing on the cake is that she loves you back.

You usually pay her a visit on your way to Bible study on Saturday afternoons. This particular Saturday when you pass by her house she seems even more excited than usual to see you. She is besides herself and she can’t even sit down or speak coherently. She’s got some great news, she says, and you can’t wait to hear it! You think she has been invited for an interview for that job she was applying for last month or that she finally found the wedding dress of her dreams.

That is before she drops the bombshell that she is the family way and that the Holy spirit is responsible! In fact, it was an angel who broke the news to her!

What on earth?!

What does she take you for? A freaking fool?! Tempers flare. A confrontation ensues.You can’t stand being in the same room with her right now. You do what any man worth his salt would do. You refrain from calling her names and storm out of her house and out of her life…….until THE angel visits YOU one night….

In the end, love wins. Love always wins.

Happily ever after | "Joseph" and "Mary"

A lot has changed since those Easter plays I watched as a kid, but one thing remains  : the feeling.

Sitting at Mavuno church, on the eve of Christmas eve, watching this beautiful and particularly well delivered love story between Mary and Joseph , I felt the love and appreciated that this indeed, is the greatest love story ever told.

If you are reading this, have a LOVE – filled year ahead. Happy new year, people!

 

Lessons I Have Learnt Being Married

22. November 2011 · 27 comments · Categories: Anniversaries & Milestones, Life Lessons, Marriage & Parenting, Sex & Relationships · Tags: , , , ,

One of my best marriage quotes is , “In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” – Robert Anderson. By the law of the land, hubby and I have been married for 3 years now. Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary.

I had been thinking about what to blog about on my anniversary so, last week I e-mailed a couple of my girlfriends who are married too and told them I am compiling a list of Lessons I have learnt being married. Could they chip in? Definitely, they said. But unfortunately one was unwell and didn’t manage to compile the list. Kubby, am so sorry girl.

The other, Kiende and I have been friends, since Facebook. :) Kiende has been married for one and a half years, so you can say she’s still in the honeymoon phase of her marriage. But listening to her speak about marriage you will discover what deep seated wisdom she holds about marriage, this girl. “Let everyone else know your partner is the best, how your friends and relatives perceive your partner depends on how you present him/her to them.” , wrote Kiende. Among other gems of wisdom that i’m gonna share with you:

  • Love is vital for every marriage.

    Kiende

  • Challenges will always be there so deal with it!.
  • Keep your marital issues between yourselves as much as possible. This point cannot be over emphasized. This is the internet era. There is no need to call your mum to ask how to deal with your husband’s snoring problem or your wife’s ‘attitude issues’. Google! Google! Google! You have no business talking to third parties about your marriage problems unless they have a degree in psychology and are living in marital bliss themselves.
  • Always argue out the issue not each other. – Indeed! When you argue deal with the issue at hand. Not the person. Address the issue and it’s consequences. Don’t call each other names. Remember you will still be married to them even after this fight is over.
  • You can avoid quarreling in marriage; instead argue.
  • At times you need to compromise for the sake of peace.
  • Above all have a forgiving heart daily and learn to forget. – This takes God!
  • Have no secrets between yourselves - Nothing eats on intimacy than keeping secrets from each other.
  • Making your partner your best friend is a bonus in marriage.
“….I know most of the above are common but have tested them and they are working!” Said she as she signed out. I said that’s exactly what I was looking for – marriage tips that have been tested and proven to actually work! I thanked her and wished her blessings in her marriage, then I got down to seeing if there was anything more left for me to say. She had pretty much said it all. I only managed these :
  • Don’t mention the D-word – Unless you are actually going to follow through with it, don’t mention divorce. Do not use the D-word to threaten your spouse for example when you are having an argument.
  • Marriage was God’s idea. There is no way you are getting very far without consulting Him,often.
  • You and your spouse are IN THE SAME TEAM. – The sooner you realize that, the better.
  • There is power in what you listen to, read, or see because these things shape your thoughts. Read good books, listen to pro-marriage stuff, watch good movies with your spouse. Tyler Perry has a GIFT when it comes to coming up with such movies. Other movies I’d like to mention are Not Easily Broken, The story Of Us. Fireproof and the Series Army Wives.
  • Make a decision to be committed to and fight for your relationship.  - Your union, that covenant you made, is greater than you.
And finally? Men don’t listen, especially, when they are hungry. :)
***
What have you learnt being married or about marriage? Do share!

 

What I Have Been Up To

16. November 2011 · 6 comments · Categories: My Firsts, Random · Tags: , ,

I miss my blog sometimes. I miss writing. Often. But the truth is I do write, alright. I write assignments nowadays.

See, I went back to school. And before I could tell all my acquaintances ”No , my Saturdays are taken now” I realize I have exams.

I have exams in less than a months time. No. Make that, I have a Finance paper in less than a months time. And I need a miracle.

 

So, what else have I been up to?

I missed a flight – Missing a flight sucks. For a moment missing a flight feels like you just missed a flight……to heaven. I  had to take a deep breath and remind myself that there are worse things in this world than missing a flight. Missing a flight feels awful. And it costs you money. They charge you a fee. A no-show  fee. But I HAVE SHOWN up?! *rolls eyes*

The flight I missed was to Zambia. I ended up reaching Lusaka at 1:10 in the AM. But that’s a story for another day.

Anything else?

Even in the busyness of life there is always time for an inspirational quote : When you get to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Franklin D. Roosevelt (Via @Leaderslearn) ; a smile : The word exaggerating should only have one g. Two g’s feels a bit over the top (via @Jasonkeath) and a lol moment :  I surveyed 100 women and asked them what shampoo they used when showering. 98 of them said, “How did you get in here?” via (@Funnyoneliners).

Next week Tuesday marks the anniversary of The Day I Became Mrs. Mwiti. I most definitely must do a post for that one.

Cheers till then!


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