Lessons I Have Learnt Being Married

One of my best marriage quotes is , “In every marriage more than a week old, there are grounds for divorce. The trick is to find, and continue to find, grounds for marriage.” – Robert Anderson. By the law of the land, hubby and I have been married for 3 years now. Today is our 3rd wedding anniversary.

I had been thinking about what to blog about on my anniversary so, last week I e-mailed a couple of my girlfriends who are married too and told them I am compiling a list of Lessons I have learnt being married. Could they chip in? Definitely, they said. But unfortunately one was unwell and didn’t manage to compile the list. Kubby, am so sorry girl.

The other, Kiende and I have been friends, since Facebook. :) Kiende has been married for one and a half years, so you can say she’s still in the honeymoon phase of her marriage. But listening to her speak about marriage you will discover what deep seated wisdom she holds about marriage, this girl. “Let everyone else know your partner is the best, how your friends and relatives perceive your partner depends on how you present him/her to them.” , wrote Kiende. Among other gems of wisdom that i’m gonna share with you:

  • Love is vital for every marriage.

    Kiende

  • Challenges will always be there so deal with it!.
  • Keep your marital issues between yourselves as much as possible. This point cannot be over emphasized. This is the internet era. There is no need to call your mum to ask how to deal with your husband’s snoring problem or your wife’s ‘attitude issues’. Google! Google! Google! You have no business talking to third parties about your marriage problems unless they have a degree in psychology and are living in marital bliss themselves.
  • Always argue out the issue not each other. – Indeed! When you argue deal with the issue at hand. Not the person. Address the issue and it’s consequences. Don’t call each other names. Remember you will still be married to them even after this fight is over.
  • You can avoid quarreling in marriage; instead argue.
  • At times you need to compromise for the sake of peace.
  • Above all have a forgiving heart daily and learn to forget. – This takes God!
  • Have no secrets between yourselves – Nothing eats on intimacy than keeping secrets from each other.
  • Making your partner your best friend is a bonus in marriage.
“….I know most of the above are common but have tested them and they are working!” Said she as she signed out. I said that’s exactly what I was looking for – marriage tips that have been tested and proven to actually work! I thanked her and wished her blessings in her marriage, then I got down to seeing if there was anything more left for me to say. She had pretty much said it all. I only managed these :
  • Don’t mention the D-word – Unless you are actually going to follow through with it, don’t mention divorce. Do not use the D-word to threaten your spouse for example when you are having an argument.
  • Marriage was God’s idea. There is no way you are getting very far without consulting Him,often.
  • You and your spouse are IN THE SAME TEAM. – The sooner you realize that, the better.
  • There is power in what you listen to, read, or see because these things shape your thoughts. Read good books, listen to pro-marriage stuff, watch good movies with your spouse. Tyler Perry has a GIFT when it comes to coming up with such movies. Other movies I’d like to mention are Not Easily Broken, The story Of Us. Fireproof and the Series Army Wives.
  • Make a decision to be committed to and fight for your relationship.  – Your union, that covenant you made, is greater than you.
And finally? Men don’t listen, especially, when they are hungry. :)
***
What have you learnt being married or about marriage? Do share!

 

29 comments for “Lessons I Have Learnt Being Married

  1. November 22, 2011 at 3:46 pm

    I have learned a lot being married. First I have learnt that I will never have control of the remote. Ever. Next that I can actually talk to myself while the football game is on. But most important of all is that I have learnt to laugh with hubby. He is my very own tickler!

  2. nikittacole
    November 22, 2011 at 4:11 pm

    I’m not married but I hope to be. This is a recent development. I started reading, listening and watching pro-marriage stuff and allowed myself to unlearn all the negative things I have observed about marriage. And it was not until then that I met this wonderful guy :-)

    The lessons I take to heart are: (i) You and your spouse are a team (ii) Google! Google! Google. Don’t allow your marriage to be a topic for discussion even if it is amongst friends. I have come accross very good articles on the inetrnet that I was ready to pay for them if asked to. So insightful. Sadly, they don’t even have ‘like’ buttons. (iii) Last, definitely not least, God has to be in the mix.

    I’m staying tuned for more comments. Thanks for sharing and CONGRATULATIONS!!

  3. christine mwirigi
    November 22, 2011 at 4:12 pm

    In our marriage we have agreed when watch soaps and when to watch atha stuff. I’ve also learnt that i cannot stay annoyed at ma hubby for long coz he himself does not keep a record of wrongs. He forgets immediately or sometimes i don’t realize when he has hurt me. He’s a joker for that i love him more.Once u understand each other’s likes ad dislikes then marriage is sweet.

  4. Kiende
    November 22, 2011 at 4:26 pm

    Welcome dear. You have put it so well am amazed. Every time I hear about working marriage I just bless God. Thanks for sharing the article and hope many people would read and even add more of what we have learnt in marriage.

  5. November 22, 2011 at 10:40 pm

    One thing I have learnt in our marriage is to develop our own culture. The kind that works for us, that keeps us happy and that connects us more. For example, we share the chores without being influenced by gender or traditions and that has been our strength in many ways. And yeah the weekly date is something we look forward to just like we did when we were dating :-)

  6. Elsie Wandera
    November 23, 2011 at 8:35 am

    I cannot wait to hear from you next year because I love that it’s a journey between two people and not the rest of the world…!

  7. November 23, 2011 at 1:20 pm

    “At times you need to compromise for the sake of peace. Above all have a forgiving heart daily and learn to forget, you may not forget but be mature about it.” I may not be married myself but I really like marriages that work, it really defines us as humans, it’s not about cohabitation and living like animals do. And finally? Men don’t listen, especially, when they are hungry you really got that right.lol

  8. November 23, 2011 at 2:08 pm

    Gud stuff

  9. Ihuoma
    November 23, 2011 at 4:51 pm

    Always speak the truth in love, you are both on the same team and thus if it is the truth it will be for the better of the team.
    Be careful to make decisions that bring you closer and not decisions that will tear you apart as a couple. You are two incomplete people coming together to become one complete thing.
    Love encompasses it all, this is one thing that is brought forth by a marriage. Love each other, truly love each other and act it out everyday.
    Fight and work hard for your marriage everyday, do not slack or take it for granted, it is on the two of you to put in the work and noone else.
    Kudos Mrs. Mwiti. May the good Lord give more years of nothing but a happy and blessed marriage.

  10. EK
    November 24, 2011 at 2:02 am

    Brilliant post.

    Thank Farmgal for directing me here.

    I have learnt alot from being married….2.5 years now.

    One thing I always try and do is communicate with my husband even the things I may think are irrelevant. That (communication) together with trust and love are the foundations of our marriage unless I have forgotten something.

    Google reader(ing) you….PAP! 

  11. nikittacole
    November 24, 2011 at 12:49 pm

    ‘Did you hear about the Morgans?’ is a movie I loooved. I won’t tell you what it’s about but check it out. My guess is you’ll love it too. For me it ranks high up there with the other good marriage movies.

  12. November 27, 2011 at 7:25 pm

    Happy Anniversary Mrs.Mwiti ! :) I am not married yet, but I will keep these lessons in mind…Here’s to a 100 more years of marital bliss for you..Cheers ! :)

     

  13. November 28, 2011 at 8:52 pm

    I had vowed never to get married until i watched  ‘Why did i get married’ and later part two ‘Why did i get married too(2010)’. Now  more than ever i want to get married, just waiting for prince charming to sweep me off my feet.
    Those two plus ‘Fireproof’ and ‘Not easily broken’ are a must watch for anyone who thinks marriages don’t work and anyone who wants to strengthen their marriage.Tyler Perry is God sent for real.
    Its so true that ‘There is power in what you listen to, read, or see because these things shape your thoughts’ .Surrounding oneself with positive stuff not only in marriage but inall aspects in life can make a very big difference. From inspiring movies, books,motivational DVDs…. Otherwise garbage in, garbage out!
    Congrats Mrs Mwiti on your anniversary.

  14. December 1, 2011 at 6:51 pm

    Congrats Mrs Mwiti for keeping your marriage strong. I have been married for eight years now (a better part of it “living in sin” as some might call it). I have learnt that you must not always have your own way among other lessons. A while back I did a post about 3 things I learned from marriage here http://ht.ly/7LeSC  Always refreshing to read your stuff! 

  15. December 6, 2011 at 9:18 pm

    Mrs. Mwiti, that’s a lot of marriage wisdom (from you and your friends) for 3 years of marriage. Thanks for sharing it and Happy belated anniversary. I trust that God will continue to see you thro many many more successful years of marriage bliss!

  16. December 9, 2011 at 9:09 am

    We are in our fifth year of marriage and I must say I never thought having children would make marriage a little bit stressful. We had not kids for a good 3 years until we decided to have one then we lost the baby 7months into the pregnancy then we tried for another and got one, 10 months old now. Has a smile like the fathers. What I have learnt is that each marriage is unique and gets bashed by unique circumstances…how you choose to handle these circumstances and live to sustain your marriage is most critical. And the sad thing is that no-body really tells it to you in black and white what to expect especially when kids come around. I had to get myself out of the pit of desperation and hang onto the memories of romance once had with my husband. I THANK GOD that I did that and now, it feels as though we back in honeymoon phase and being a team WORKS! It feels so good to be such a strong force when disciplining our baby girl. She always has this look of ” wah, kwani this force field is made of 10 inch wrought iron with electric fence and a bulldog? How will I ever get between them?” Thank you for your blog, I am sane after reading it.

    • January 31, 2012 at 5:42 pm

      Thank you for sharing this. Thank you for being an encouragement too. It is a miracle how strangers come together and become soul mates, and start a family.
      Only God can do that. God bless your union and your family.

  17. Georgina Muchoki
    December 9, 2011 at 1:37 pm

    Mmmm what a nice article and loads of wisdom on Marriage.I am not married and have not found the person yet but i think i am wiser than before. Yes marriage is what you make out of it. Conceive trash ad give birth to trash.
    Communication and proper home governance the key to every workable homestead.Lets run our marriages and our spouses. Mrs. Mwiti wish you many more years of love and bliss.

  18. Suzanne
    December 9, 2011 at 3:53 pm

    I like your stories.  They are very educative real life stories.  I am a mother and I have learnt that what you sow is what you expect to reap. You sow wisdom, you reap respect. I like ur blog. Al keep reading. Thanks.

  19. December 20, 2011 at 12:27 pm

    Happy Holidays Mrs. Mwiti and family.

    • December 22, 2011 at 6:42 pm

      Thank you Shiko. Have a memorable Christmas & New years holiday too! :)

  20. LIZ CIOMARONG'O
    January 3, 2012 at 6:29 pm

    I am exited to read such stuff from ‘baby’ couples.i say “baby” coz nex year iwill be 20 yrs in marriage. this is great wisdom.the lord must have revealed this to you.indeed “there is balm in gilead and a physician as well”.(jeremah 8:22) marriages will get better and better.keep on and God bless you as you encourge others.marriage is great.

  21. January 9, 2012 at 6:36 pm

    Happy New Year Mrs.Mwiti! :-)

    • January 10, 2012 at 9:47 am

      And have a brilliant year ahead Ghafla! :-)

  22. January 17, 2012 at 9:46 am

    Had Kim Kardashian read your blog, things might have turned out different for her! Very enlightening to us young folk:) Keep up the good work.

    • January 18, 2012 at 8:09 am

      lol. Might have. Thanks. :)

  23. April 21, 2012 at 10:14 pm

    Congratulations are in order Mr & Mrs Mwiti :). Just celebrated my 2nd and I can attest to all you said above. 
    Enjoy more & more amazing years together. 

  24. Benson Ndung'u
    September 27, 2012 at 1:52 pm

    From the experienced in marriage, how do you know that you are ready to get married?? from both male and female perspective??
    Am not even gonn go into ma age coz it would be embarrassing-

  25. kellen gakii
    October 22, 2012 at 10:37 am

    hi.i love ur blog n am very encouraged by ur way of seeing things.have being married for  5 years bt i dont knw hw to handle any situations.i believe people change in the course of marriage,the person u courted and married is not the one who sleeps next to u five yrs down the road.!!!!!!!n thats why people give up in marriage coz of the effects n not the causes of any break up!correct me if am wrong!

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