My bank account would love to be EL James’ bank account right now. With over 5.3 million copies sold so far , her book , 50 shades of grey has remained number one in the UK best-seller chart for the 16th week running.

However, when I heard that this book , everyone is is talking about , is “Mills and Boon on steroids”, I knew right away that I’d pass it up. What with reviews like these :

“About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old’s fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly with an enormous pe**s, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he’s not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he’s never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their “dream man” and came up with Christian Grey (the main character).”

It gets worse…

“Christian is controlling, possessive, condescending, and cruel. He doesn’t allow Ana to behave as she normally would, and Ana just puts up with it, insistent that if she can give him what he wants, when he wants, as often as he wants, she can eventually begin to pull his strings….” , writes Katrina Lumsden.

Much worse…

“Anyone wanna hear about the tampon scene? Oh, you’ve already heard about the tampon scene? Yeah, same here, although hearing about it and reading the actual scene are a bit different. For some reason, you imagine it being worse than it actually is, while at the same time, reading about it is more horrifying than you could possibly imagine.” 

|| “He reaches…… and pulls on the blue string…….and tosses it into the nearby toliet.”||

Spell the word GROSS. I hear they are making a movie out of it. Now we shall have to watch that?!

But perhaps the most hilarious comment I have read was that from a reader on Amazon who said “….the sex scenes are so boring …..I have had better sex myself.”  😀

So much for erotica.

It’s almost shocking that people (mostly women)  are finding this book romantic.

“This is a book about one sick, abusive man and his obsession with a young, naive invertebrate (Ana). It’s a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self, who sacrifices any pretense of individuality in order to hold onto a man who doesn’t even show her the faintest glimmer of respect…

Now I’ll be totally honest, the biggest issue I have with Fifty Shades of Sh*t is neither the sex nor the horrible writing. It’s the plot. Thin as it is, it’s still there, its core message being that, given enough time, you can change someone…… In the books, probably. In real life? No. Almost never. How many idiotic, weak women are going to waste their lives on some emotionally retarded prick because they’ve read shit like this and think this kind of f***ed-up fairytale will come true for them? ”

Anyone here reading this book? Let’s just say I’d rather spend time playing Foxy bingo than read “Mills and Boon , with bondage”.

You can read Katrina’s charming review here .