Which One Should I Marry?

I am no expert in relationships , but I earned myself the agony aunt title when I received this E-mail from Cynthia over a year ago. :)

A few days back I received this e-mail from Ben :

I am in some kind of predicament that I would like your advice on, he wrote.

I am 30 years old, and not married. I have not been in anything close to a love relationship since the end of 2009. However , the whole of this year there is a lady that i have been seeing.

Source : http://www.bvblackspin.com

 In May, I left the country on work. While there I met a girl, and we seemed to hit off. Now comes my predicament: I was thinking about getting serious about the girl in Kenya, though there were some things I needed to get over , biggest being that she is older than me. The other one is younger than me but has a daughter.

What is you take on a guy marrying a lady older than himself (Consider Mrs Ntong’o’s advise of girls maturing faster than men) And would it be a good idea to marry someone who has a child or she will be concerned with the child than the relationship?

Before throwing in my 2 cents worth , I promised Ben I would put this up on the blog and ask the readers to share any word of advise they would have for him.

What’s your advise for Ben?

8 comments for “Which One Should I Marry?

  1. September 28, 2012 at 9:35 am

    For one he should ask himself if he was seeing this lady only because he has not been in a love relationship for quite sometime or because he is in love with her. He has not quoted if he is in love just mentioned having a relation ship.
     And if you went out of the country and met some one else and had a hit off then that means you were not ready to settle with the first woman or rather you were not in love with her. You just realized age was catching up with you and whatever you met fast you fell for it only coz you wanted to have a relationship. In true love AGE nor having a child matters so the choice is yours what to go for or whom you want to be with. 

  2. G
    September 28, 2012 at 12:54 pm

    Ben none of those is easy and you need some degree of mental strength to pull off either successfully. If you are not sure of your mental strength, pass. Another girl will come your way…

  3. September 28, 2012 at 1:14 pm

    Is polygamy allowed? 
     
    Anyway, what does his heart really say? The heart might not be smart but in some cases, you gotta follow your heart…

  4. Anon
    October 1, 2012 at 4:55 pm

    Couple of things:

    1) Are you coming back to the country? If not, is the Kenyan willing to come to where you are?

    2) You are with someone else – having a thing of sorts – but you can’t stop thinking about the Kenyan girl.. Methinks that says something

    3) What age difference are we talking about here? If its like Wambui(may she rest in peace) & Mbugua :-) then I think that’s complicated

    4) The lady with the child has made time for you this far. Methinks you having a good relationship with her child is what will be most important to her. It should be important to you too.

    5) Where is your heart? If you left and came back to Kenya, would you still dream about settling down with the woman you recently met?

    All the best.

    P.s. The heart knows reason which reason knows not of.

    Don’t try to make sense or logic of matters of the heart. Just follow it. 

  5. Kilunda
    October 3, 2012 at 1:09 pm

    My advise to Ben would be to marry the one he has more fun..laughter…the one’s he’s truly free with. Don’t give a care in the world about what society thinks, after all…remember song ‘It’s my life – Bon Jovi’?? Ben..it’s your life you and your true love you will be living

  6. October 8, 2012 at 10:32 am

    They say when you have to choose between two things, toss a coin. As it is spinning up there what you wish it to be is what your heart wants….may be it’s just me 

  7. Cynthia
    October 8, 2012 at 10:42 am

    Hey auntie…your advise helped a great deal. In deed a problem shared ….

    Just the fact that he has 2 women…ehhhhhh….

    Anyway sometimes it’s important to step back for a while (maybe 2 weeks) from all the hullabaloo to make an objective decision.

    Or do it my way, jump right in. Pick one, explain to the other and cry a river when worse comes to worst…..  

  8. October 22, 2012 at 2:57 pm

    What a predicament indeed .
    I say he follows his heart… it never lies :-) 

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