Why I am not Reading Fifty Shades of Grey

My bank account would love to be EL James’ bank account right now. With over 5.3 million copies sold so far , her book , 50 shades of grey has remained number one in the UK best-seller chart for the 16th week running.

However, when I heard that this book , everyone is is talking about , is “Mills and Boon on steroids”, I knew right away that I’d pass it up. What with reviews like these :

“About half way through the book, I looked up the author to see if she was a teenager. I really did because the characters are out of a 16 year old’s fantasy. The main male character is a billionaire (not a millionaire but a billionaire) who speaks fluent French, is basically a concert level pianist, is a fully trained pilot, is athletic, drop dead gorgeous, tall, built perfectly with an enormous pe**s, and the best lover on the planet. In addition, he’s not only self made but is using his money to combat world hunger. Oh yeah, and all of this at the ripe old age of 26! And on top of that, he’s never working. Every second is spent having sex or texting and emailing the female character. His billions seem to have just come about by magic. It seriously feels like 2 teenage girls got together and decided to create their “dream man” and came up with Christian Grey (the main character).”

It gets worse…

Christian is controlling, possessive, condescending, and cruel. He doesn’t allow Ana to behave as she normally would, and Ana just puts up with it, insistent that if she can give him what he wants, when he wants, as often as he wants, she can eventually begin to pull his strings….writes Katrina Lumsden.

Much worse…

“Anyone wanna hear about the tampon scene? Oh, you’ve already heard about the tampon scene? Yeah, same here, although hearing about it and reading the actual scene are a bit different. For some reason, you imagine it being worse than it actually is, while at the same time, reading about it is more horrifying than you could possibly imagine.” 

|| “He reaches…… and pulls on the blue string…….and tosses it into the nearby toliet.”||

Spell the word GROSS. I hear they are making a movie out of it. Now we shall have to watch that?!

But perhaps the most hilarious comment I have read was that from a reader on Amazon who said “….the sex scenes are so boring …..I have had better sex myself.”  😀

So much for erotica.

It’s almost shocking that people (mostly women)  are finding this book romantic.

This is a book about one sick, abusive man and his obsession with a young, naive invertebrate (Ana). It’s a book about a girl who has absolutely no sense of self, who sacrifices any pretense of individuality in order to hold onto a man who doesn’t even show her the faintest glimmer of respect…

Now I’ll be totally honest, the biggest issue I have with Fifty Shades of Sh*t is neither the sex nor the horrible writing. It’s the plot. Thin as it is, it’s still there, its core message being that, given enough time, you can change someone…… In the books, probably. In real life? No. Almost never. How many idiotic, weak women are going to waste their lives on some emotionally retarded prick because they’ve read shit like this and think this kind of f***ed-up fairytale will come true for them? ”

Anyone here reading this book? Let’s just say I’d rather spend time playing Foxy bingo than read “Mills and Boon , with bondage”.

You can read Katrina’s charming review here .


16 comments for “Why I am not Reading Fifty Shades of Grey

  1. Jackie
    September 12, 2012 at 12:00 am

    I tried reading it, yet I never ever ever read any Mills and Bloom… You can only imagine my horror. although I must admit it was not instant horror.

    I don’t think I went past page 100 or thereabout. I hadn’t read the review before hand – you were wise to read the reviews.

    What amazes me though is how much the book has become a topic of open and public discussion on our airwaves. 

  2. Adi
    September 12, 2012 at 12:10 am

    Page 20 was pushing it for me.I hate the way people keep saying that the target audience is women.
    it does not apply to me.
    i hate that book.

  3. September 19, 2012 at 9:24 am

    Too bad I am Kenyan.I do the things I have been warned against.
    I am getting THIS book.That’s WHY I AM READING FIFTY SHADES OF GREY!

    • September 19, 2012 at 9:52 am

      Lemmi guess. You didn’t read Mills & Boon in your teens and you are trying to make up for it!

      • Khakasa
        September 25, 2012 at 4:14 pm

        I thought it was Mills & Boon?

        • September 26, 2012 at 7:53 am

          Oh dear , you are right. It is Mills and BOON! All the while I called them Bloom! Correction made.

  4. September 26, 2012 at 7:31 pm

    Oh, I thought this was some soul-searching, philosophical, inspiring type of literature, it is actually a mills & boon type!

  5. October 11, 2012 at 9:18 am

    I read the book after hearing some misty-eyed ladies discuss it. But I cannot even think of reading book two. It gave me that sick feeling at the pit of my stomach. Sad because it makes it look like intimacy should come with pain.

  6. November 2, 2012 at 11:53 am

    I am never reading the book even after all the hype. I read hundreds of Mills and Boons in my teens. I do not need to read another in my old age too ;D.

  7. January 17, 2013 at 10:10 am

    I read the review on GQ and my interest was not aroused one bit.After this review,ime isha kabisa. 

  8. Nkatha
    April 23, 2013 at 2:18 pm

    Christine, i cant beleive i have been reading your posts all afternoon. I have really liked them….u r such a good writer. N BTW am waiting for your book ( do u have any intention of writing one ), because i know you can write very good stuff. And talking about Fifty Shades Of Grey ( I like the way u called it …Shades of sh**), i cant beleive i wasted my k on that book. At some point i thot it was porn….then cheap porn…then i stopped reading it. Iko down tu sana. And i dont like the way it portrays women as submissive and without heads……. I wouldnt encourage women to read it…maybe high school teenagers…

    • April 24, 2013 at 5:18 am

      Why, thank you girl! The book….I will make it happen some day. Wacha tu hustle kwanza. 🙂
      As for 50 Shades , thanks for confirming!

  9. April 26, 2013 at 12:59 pm

    The book has been lying in my inbox for quite a while now. i simply lack the time to get to it and have so many other books to read before it.
    Some of my friends have read it though and they agree it’s crap, but they can’t seem to put it down. . .wonder if it is crappy & addictive too…

  10. Wangu
    May 20, 2013 at 2:50 pm

    I am back, head hang in shame that even after reading this review I still went on to read the horrible book. I think I should repent for torturing my brain.
    It can’t even be compared to Mills & Boon… Mills & Boon are way out of that league, and to think it sold so many copies, human beings are lame to some extent.

  11. Forever Kenyan
    May 27, 2013 at 10:30 pm

    I actually bought and read all three books. *Ducking to hide* I know; am a serious retard. It will take some time for me to forgive myself for adding to the bank account of that totally undeserving author and even longer for the brain cells those books killed to grow back. I hated the first book; its as shallow and stupid as the reviews say. Probably worse. So what made me buy the second and third? I actually hoped the story would get better. And it was like watching a train wreck; horrifying but morbidly fascinating. Lets just say by the end of it, I seriously wanted to kill myself.

    • May 28, 2013 at 5:16 am

      🙂 🙂 Thank you for the laugh @Forever. And you write well. You should guest post…

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